I was staring out the window of my partner's giant jeep, tears streaming down my face, wondering how I am going to create a breakthrough in my life before I run out of money and lose everything I’ve worked so hard for.
Our camping trip in Crested Butte was over, and I finally had a moment to think about how in the world I was going to create the life I've been talking about for the past 20 years. I’m 45! If not now...when??
In my previous life, I was a family therapist. My days consisted of helping juvenile delinquents and their families communicate more effectively to reduce recidivism. That felt meaningful to me...but it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do.
I wanted to create a space for people to have real transformation. A place where they could learn, grow, connect and experience authentic relationships in community. But deep down, I have always been too scared to go for it.
I felt as though I couldn’t teach about personal growth or spirituality until I knew everything on the subject. Can anyone relate?
But even after years of studying, I still didn’t feel like I was ready.
You know that feeling?
It’s the unworthy feeling, grounded in childhood memories, of sitting alone at lunch and feeling left out, not enough, not accepted. Well...that feeling has never left me, I just got good at covering it up.
Staring out the window, I asked myself, what could I do to have a breakthrough that would help me go for my BIG dreams?
Frustrated and fed up with my own bull shit, I got an idea...
I thought about having a conversation with the most popular, beautiful girl in school. I wanted to see if talking with her could shift something in me. Maybe give me some perspective.
I audaciously sent her a message on Facebook.
I asked her if we could have a conversation about our experiences in school so that we could learn from one another and hopefully, it could help me have a breakthrough.
She immediately replied “you are amazing!” Two hours later, after 28 years, we were on the phone.
We listened to each other's struggles growing up and we went from strangers to old friends within a few hours.
She shared her experiences of growing up with a mom who dictated how she looked, and what she did. She said she was always trying to make everyone else happy and didn’t even know what she wanted.
And then she addressed it... “I didn’t think you were weird, just artsy and creative. I always admired the people who were so unique.”
I sat with that...I’m not weird, just unique...
All this time, I’ve been holding back, feeling not enough, not worthy when all along, I was just “unique."
I tell you all this, because I want you to know we are in this together.
So what is holding you back? Who do you need to call to have a breakthrough? What do you need to do, forgive, let go of, to get yourself one step closer to creating what you came here for?
I took the first step yesterday… will you take one today?